


Be honest (summer rain)

by ioanaisbored



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Diary/Journal, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Good times, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee Are Best Friends, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan is Whipped, Love Confessions, M/M, No Angst, Slice of Life, Soft Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Summer Vacation, soft and fluffy just how i like it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:49:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25766977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ioanaisbored/pseuds/ioanaisbored
Summary: Mark and Donghyuck - best friends, classmates, neighbours - are everything except for, well, boyfriends.And no matter how much Mark tries to deny it, that will change as well.orA series of summer vacation hanging out sessions accompanied by Mark's diary entries
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 15
Kudos: 127





	Be honest (summer rain)

“That’s so lame,” Mark tells him. “Like a cheesy movie.”

Donghyuck clicks his tongue, then puffs out a laugh.

“Why would romance be lame? I love that kind of stuff, honestly speaking.”

“Honestly speaking? That’s just teenager crap.”

Mark takes another fistful of popcorn and throws the dice on the board. He moves his figurine a few squares, then Donghyuck shakes the dice in his fist, doing the same, keeping the game going.

“Honestly speaking, we _are_ teenagers, Mark.”

Without looking at him, Mark stuffs his mouth with some more popcorn. He’s losing at this board game, anyway.

“Yeah, but, that’s just a scenario type of thing. It’s not like you’ve actually experienced a ton of romance, right? So you can’t come to the conclusion that you like that stuff. Am I right?”

Donghyuck throws a dice at him, then it falls to the floor.

“You’re just mean,” he says. “Mean and cold. And I’ve experienced romance, for your information.”

Mark laughs and bends down to retreat the dice from the foot of his wooden chair. He gives it back to Donghyuck.

The rain hitting on Mark’s bedroom window is not that intense, just a little summer drizzle accompanied by some lightning from time to time, the usual for every evening this week. They could even walk in the park in their neighbourhood in this weather if they put on a hoodie or a jacket – and they will, that’s the plan, but it’s game night, so they’ll have to finish this first.

“Donghyuck, be realistic, hypothetically speaking, you wouldn’t want to spend your time going to the movies with someone, holding hands in public or having someone walk you home from school every day. I mean, that’s cheesy and forced.”

Donghyuck throws the dice at him again. This time, after it hits his shoulder, Mark catches it in his palm, then hands it back to him.

“I _would_! What’s wrong about that? Do you really hate it?”

He’s waiting for Mark’s reply, twisting the dice in his hand. He looks at him a little annoyed.

“It’s your turn,” Mark gestures towards the board. He props up one leg on the chair, bent at the knee, then says, “Well, a bit, I think, yeah. It doesn’t seem that sincere to me.” Donghyuck throws him a look – Mark raises his hands in the air in defence. “Honestly speaking! It’s just a dumb teenager thing for me. Do you think you’d be nervous thinking about a first kiss with someone when you’re thirty? Because that would be a little immature.”

The rain still hits the window, and it’s getting gradually darker inside the room. And so because the table they’re sitting at is in the furthest away corner from the window, Mark starts having to squint his eyes a little to see his friend in front of him, and it takes some effort to notice his frown.

“I think you’re wrong,” he says, shuffling the action cards. “Mark, that’s the whole fun of it! You could have cheesy romance _and_ a sincere relationship with someone you trust.”

Mark throws his dice on the board, then props his chin on his bent knee.

“You talk like you know-”

“I do know! And, well, _we_ go to the movies all the time and walk home from school together every single day,” Donghyuck interrupts him. That’s his thing, sometimes, when he gets upset, he talks over Mark. It’s really annoying. “And I cook for you and you take me to nice ice cream shops and we take walks in the park – what’s cheesy and insincere about that? I think it’s really nice. Don’t you?”

Mark lets him finish.

“Yeah, but, Hyuck, it’s different with us. _We_ ’re like…soulmates! We’re not in a greasy, overly sweet relationship,” he pulls a face at the thought, “what we have is… we’re so much more than that! We’re _best friends_! Yeah? There’s nothing better than that. So your point doesn’t really stand.”

Haechan takes his forearms from the board and sits back against the backrest. His eyes move to the window, and for a few seconds he doesn’t say anything.

“It’s your turn again, you know,” Mark points at the game to break the silence.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, silently, and it almost goes unnoticed.

*

_Something’s off. Something’s different, something’s weird._

_It’s just that_

_I mean_

_I don’t know. I mean, I know Donghyuck better than I know myself so I just know something’s off. I just have this feeling in my gut. I’ve talked about gut feelings before, right?_

_Yeah, something’s different._

_You’d think this something would’ve changed last year, when Donghyuck told me that_ thing _. I know I didn’t write anything about it because, honestly speaking, he told me not to worry about it, and so I didn’t. “There’s nothing to worry about,” he said. “Markie, don’t take it seriously. You know I never take things seriously, either.”. We were at my place and he told me that he liked me, but then he laughed, so I thought… I don’t know what I thought. I think Donghyuck gets crushes on literally everyone, all the time. And we never spoke about it again; no, I’ve never even felt like he “liked me”, so I didn’t think about it because it didn’t feel legit. It if was legit, he would’ve been so much serious when telling me. He would’ve made a scene, probably. I know Donghyuck!_

_Nothing changed between us since that day, but now… How can I describe this? Jesus, it’s like I can’t find my words to write. He just looks at me in a different way._

_Wow, that’s such a dumb thing, I can’t believe I wrote that. But really, he does. He looks at me so differently, and so often, and even when I’m not speaking, he just…_

_I don’t know_

_Ugh!_

_It doesn’t make me feel weird. Just a little vulnerable. Which is fine, because I can be vulnerable around him, he knows all my secrets. But I feel… Like he’s really looking into my brain, trying to find something, or into my soul or_

_Wow!_

_That’s so dumb, again!_

_I’ll stop writing. If Donghyuck would ever read this, he’d make fun of me for weeks._

_Anyway. Nothing’s changed. It’s still just me and Donghyuck, like always._

*

Mark’s walking him home from the park. It’s getting darker, but the air is still suffocating and their neighbourhood quiet, peaceful.

“Do you realise that if it were winter right now, it would’ve gotten dark almost after lunch time?” Donghyuck says as they walk together on the streets.

Mark tilts his head. “Man, that was rough. It’s almost ten and there’s a bit of sun left now.”

Donghyuck jumps on a high curb and starts walking on it, keeping his balance with two raised arms.

“Every summer I think about this. I think, wow, how did I survive this winter? It was awful. But every year it’s the same,” he says.

Even if he keeps his eyes fixated on one thing far away as he speaks, he still wobbles with every step, so Mark stretches a hand to grip at Donghyuck’s shirt for extra security.

Winters have always been pretty bad for Donghyuck and Mark knows. He doesn’t show it, but bad weather depresses him in an instant, and it’s just a constant slump for three months.

“You always get through them,” Mark tells him.

They walk like that, for the few minutes between sunset and total darkness, when the streetlamps turn on automatically throughout the whole street. When the curb ends, Donghyuck jumps off with a loud thud back onto the sidewalk and Mark releases the grip of his shirt. When he looks, the place where he’s held the material is all crumpled, so he tries to smooth it out.

He feels the warmth of Donghyuck’s skin radiating through the shirt as he does so.

It’s such a warm night.

“I’m making pancakes for breakfast tomorrow,” Donghyuck tells him when they’re close to his house. “So that means you’ll have to get up early to come by.”

Mark groans. “How early?”

“Around eight.”

He groans again, but this time laughing. “Fine.”

Donghyuck nods and as they reach his front steps, he laughs one time and leans in to give Mark a peck on the cheek.

Mark pushes him off with a stuttered, “Awh, fuck you!”

Donghyuck laughs again and climbs up his stairs, fishing a key out from his shorts. He looks back to say, “I thought you liked it when we were younger, right? We always did that.”

Mark doesn’t say anything.

Donghyuck enters his house and waves at him. “Bye Mark, see you tomorrow at eight sharp for pancakes!”

*

_What is going on?_

_What’s going on with him, what’s going on with me? What’s going on with_ me _?_

_This is_

_I mean_

_Ugh! Ugh! Shit!_

_I feel tense. Honestly speaking, now._

_I mean, actually, I don’t. It’s not that I’m tense, it’s more…_

_Yeah, we kissed each other on the cheek when we were younger, but that was in primary school!_

_I just_

_I got scared when I saw him come this close to me, I don’t know why. I didn’t even realise. It’s fine, I mean it should be fine, but I just freaked out. That’s so strange! Why did I do that? In my defence, he hasn’t kissed my cheek in years._

_Ah, I’m so stupid! This is so stupid, why am I writing about this?_

_And I just… Fuck, I know he laughed it off, but this was different, too. I feel like I hurt his feelings this time. I feel…_

_He’s really sensitive even if he doesn’t show it, even if he thinks that I don’t know. I know Donghyuck._

_I keep feeling like I’m hurting his feelings, I don’t know, I really hate that. I just keep feeling more and more vulnerable in front of him. Wow, why am I so scared of feeling that?_

_Ugh!!!_

_*_

It’s hard to decide whether it’s the crickets or Donghyuck’s humming of a song that’s louder this night. Him and Mark have sat down on a bench in the neighbourhood playground.

It has got chilly, so there’s a slight tremor throughout Mark’s body. As he lightly shakes, his arm hair sticks up in the cold and Donghyuck’s still mindlessly mumbling his song.

They did nothing all day. There’s nothing to do, except for hang out and joke around.

“Oh, right,” Mark says, interrupting Donghyuck. He pulls out two little sponge cakes, wrapped in plastic from his big pockets. “I brought these.”

He hands one to Donghyuck.

It’s one of those tiny, overly sweet cakes that smell too much of sugar and strawberries. Donghyuck’s favourite.

“Thanks,” he rips the plastic wrap and starts biting down on it. Mark does the same.

They’ve spent the whole day together, so they let silence fall over them as their thoughts pull them in different directions. Now, the crickets can be heard louder, but there’s never a way of knowing where the sound is coming from – maybe far away, maybe very close.

Mark swallows the last bite and crumples the wrap in his fist. He stretches a hand to take Dongyucks’ as well, but the latter shakes his head. Mark shrugs and stands up, walking across the empty playground to throw his plastic wrap in a garbage can.

Donghyuck always keeps those type of things, he keeps them as memories. Tickets, receipts, he has a whole box of them. He never lets Mark look through it.

When he walks back to their bench, Mark squints his eyes to look at him. It’s like a layer of blue paint is between him and Donghyuck, making it hard to see properly. He stops for a moment.

Donghyuck’s resumed his song, low and muttered, swinging lightly as he sings. He’s got the cake plastic wrap tight between his fingers.

Mark looks at him.

“What?” Donghyuck asks through a yawn when he sees he’s stopped. As he does so, he lets all his teeth be seen, then he clicks his tongue lazily, rubbing his sleepy eyes.

“Nothing.” Mark replies, coming back to sit on the bench then flicking something out of Donghyuck’s hair. “You had a little bug there.”

_*_

_I’m just going to write something here and then I’ll get it off my chest, then I’ll be over it._

_The playground holds so many memories for me and_

_I hate being sentimental like this! But I just…_

_I was at the playground with Hyuck and at some point I just… I looked at him and I was getting so cold and tired and I wanted to say that we should head back and then he looked at me and I just couldn’t find it in me to say anything. About anything. My throat closed up and the wind was moving each strand of his hair individually and. Yeah. That was a different type of silence, too. It was difficult, I don’t know why. I mean, it wasn’t uncomfortable but it was difficult because that type of silence was more than just silence. Does that make sense? I guess not…_

_Either way, Mark from the future, please remember this mental image very clearly, because I kept thinking to myself, wow, I am so lucky he’s here right now. I’m so lucky I know this person. Yeah. Please remember how the streetlamp above the bench shined on us because that was very nice. It was a nice feeling. I’m sitting on my bed now and every time I close my eyes now, I see the same thing, I see this look that he gave me…_

_Actually, no, that’s such a terrifying feeling. Please forget about it all._

_*_

It’s about to rain, once again. The air, even in Mark’s first floor bedroom, is thick, hot and hard to breathe.

When he takes his eyes off the video game they’re playing and looks out the window, Mark sees the clouds grey and the leaves of the trees swishing from side to side nervously. It makes his face scrunch up a little, and now all his attention is off the game and on the scenery outside. His controller falls on top of his bedsheets.

“Hey!” Donghyuck says, one eye on the screen and one at him. “Mark, we’re gonna lose!”

There’s beads of sweat trailing down from his forehead across his face. From time to time, he blows cold air down his shirt.

Mark’s walked on his knees on the bed until he’s as close to the window as he can get, and he sits there, stretching his arms to prop them on the sill.

“Damn, it looks like there’s an actual storm coming!”

“Huh?” Donghyuck leaves his controller on the bed and shuffles next to Mark to look outside. He pulls the blinds all the way up and grabs onto the bottom of the window, pulling it up with a little bit of effort.

The wind is warm but harsh and the sounds so much louder.

He stretches his head out the window, knocking Mark while doing so, and as he sits there, on Mark’s bed, shoulders and head out, he says, “Mark, you idiot, there’s no storm coming. It’ll probably rain for a few minutes then it’ll stop, just like every other day.”

“Really?”

Mark pushes him to the side – Donghyuck scoffs – to make space for himself to shimmy into the window sill as well. He can’t get his whole shoulder blades in like Donghyuck did, but he pulls his head out too.

“Really, yeah.”

“But this looks so scary, like it’s the end of the world.”

Donghyuck scoffs again.

“How cool would that be?” he says. “The world might be ending and we’re just playing video games in your room.”

Mark smiles a bit. “But I wouldn’t want the world to end right now. There’s so much I haven’t done yet, you know?”

Donghyuck hums and props his chin on his palm. “I’m fine if the world were to end right now.”

“Would you die happy?”

Donghyuck shakes his head.

“Maybe not. But content.”

“Content?”

“With what I have now, yeah,” Donghyuck says, eyes somewhere far away in the distance.

The first few drops of rain start falling down, small and quiet. It makes Mark even more tense, knowing what’s to come. The drizzle gradually gets more intense.

Mark takes Donghyuck’s hand into his own, making him yelp in surprise. He turns to look at him.

The hand that was propped under his chin, Mark holds it now between his own two ones, sandwitched. It’s really warm and all three hands are sweaty, but he grips it tight.

Donghyuck switches from looking at their hands to looking at Mark.

“You know I’ll always love you, right?” Mark says. Donghyuck’s face is blank, only his eyes wider than usual. “You’re my _best_ -”

Donghyuck slips his hand away and places his chin back on top of his palm, back to looking out the window.

Mark remains there, looking at his profile, but after a while he goes back to how he was sitting in the first place again, watching the rain.

The video game announces their death with dramatic music.

It starts pouring. Even the outside window still starts getting wet.

“I’m sorry,” Donghyuck says after a while, not looking at him.

“It’s okay,” Mark says.

*

_I’m taking a break from thinking and feeling. Honestly speaking._

_*_

“And then we went to – we went to the…”

Mark knows what he’s talking about so he bursts into an even louder fit of laughter before Donghyuck can even finish his sentence. He nods as Donghyuck speaks, and he starts laughing too, more because Mark is laughing and his laugh is really loud and weird.

“Oh my God! Oh my!”

His shoulders shake so much and his throat is starting to hurt from how much he’s laughed, but he can’t stop; he’s slapping his hand everywhere he can find space on, his thigh, Donghyuck’s thigh, Donghyuck’s chest.

“Do you remember that?” Donghyuck asks him.

“We were so dumb!” Mark says as he wipes his eyes with a tired sigh. Little laughs still escape past his lips, and he breathes out long to try to calm himself down.

Someone walks past their bench and gives them a weird look, but that just makes it even funnier.

“And after that we – we spent half an hour trying to find- ”

“Find the entry door, oh my God!” Mark’s lips curl upwards once again, mouth open, and laughs come out of him more like sobs, like gasps for air. He looks at Donghyuck laughing and that just intensifies everything; the memory is old and so stupid and so, so funny.

“I think we circled around that restaurant ten times!”

Donghyuck’s chest is rising and falling heavily, uncoordinated, face scrunched up. He throws his head back and laughs, he keeps on laughing, they both do.

Mark has to wipe his tears again, and when he meets Donghyuck’s eyes, they have to bite their lips to refrain themselves from another uncontrollable laughing fit.

“We were such stupid kids,” Mark says, finally breathing properly and leaning back on the bench. Donghyuck’s sitting sideways, both legs propped up, so when Mark looks to the side, he sees his whole face.

“We still are, damn, we’re not old yet.”

“Yeah,” Mark puffs, “but we’re not stupid anymore.”

“I would like to argue that,” Donghyuck says and twists until he’s got his back pressed against the backrest of the bench, too. Their shoulders touch. He wraps his arms around his bent knees and they both let their heads fall back to look up at the sky, at the leaves on the trees.

“That’s a weirdly shaped cloud,” Donghyuck notes.

They’ve always done that, when they’re in the park, just throw their heads back until their necks hurt and look at things backwards.

“Which one?” Mark asks.

“All of them.”

Mark smiles.

The weather, finally, is not too hot nor too rainy, and it’s a rare occasion to be able to wear jeans and a t-shirt that won’t be soaking wet by the end of the day. It’s almost evening, anyway.

“Hey,” Mark says, turning his head to the side, still letting it hang. Donghyuck does the same, and now they’re looking at each other, shoulders pressed together.

Donghyuck’s hair looks funny sticking up like that, but it brings out his forehead which is also another rarity.

“Yeah?”

“You know you can tell me stuff, yeah?”

Donghyuck pulls a face, “Well, yeah?”

“Any type of stuff. I mean, I know you know that, and you already tell me stuff, but I just wanted to remind you. That you can trust me. ‘Cus we’re-”

“’Cus we’re best friends?”

Mark furrows his eyebrows. “Well - are we not?”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, smiling, and looks back up at the sky.

“Of course we are. And of course I trust you, Markie, why’re you being sentimental all of the sudden?”

Mark sighs. He’s watching his profile.

“I don’t know, I feel like, recently, things have been a little different between us.”

Donghyuck doesn’t move his eyes from the sky.

“What do you mean?”

“I have no idea.”

He scoffs and laughs for a second. “Then why’d you say it?”

“Because I just have this feeling,” Mark explains. He fixes his eyes on Donghyuck, who doesn’t even flinch, just keeps his gaze upwards at the clouds.

“Is it something that me or you did or just a general feeling?”

“Just a general feeling.”

It’s Donghyuck’s turn to furrow his eyebrows, playfully, and raise a hand in a question. “Well, is there something you would like to change, or…?”

“Between us? Nothing, ever. I hate change.”

Mark nudges his shoulder with his, but it’s still not enough to make Donghyuck look at him.

“I don’t think you got my question…”

Mark doesn’t say anything.

Donghyuck puffs another small laugh at the sky.

“You should get your shit together, Markie.”

*

_There’s no shit to be gotten together for me, and he should be the one to get it together, honestly speaking, now that I think of it._

_You know what, let me write something. Last year when he told me, quote on quote, that he “likes me like those people like each other in the movies”, I did not take it as a joke. I lied to you; I didn’t laugh it off._ He _laughed it off._ He _said it’s a dumb thing that I shouldn’t worry about, and_ he _never spoke of it ever again and pretended like nothing happened, so who should be getting their shit together here?_

_I did not take it as a joke, I never took it as a joke! How could I take it as a joke?_

_How is that a joke? How is that funny?!_

_That was_ so _not funny – because when something is funny, I’m the first to laugh. But when he said that, when those words left his mouth, they went straight through me, they legit froze both my body and my brain. And I just thought, wow, for real? Me?_

_I’m not the best talker, but with Donghyuck I can talk about absolutely everything, and so I wanted to ask so many things, to talk about it more. We could’ve explored_

_Either way_

_He didn’t let me have a say in this. It was just an “I like you but I’m not going to let you get involved in this” type of thing. “I’m Donghyuck and I like keeping secrets from you and I’m just going to deal with this on my own, ha ha, so funny” type of thing._

_Secrets, my ass! I know him better than I know myself, he can’t lie to me._

_I mean, I guess he can. I guess he did, or he does._

_Do I not lie to him?_

_What would’ve happened if I said something, instead of just sit there dumfounded? If I said, “wow, cool, how long have you liked me for?” or “do you randomly feel like kissing me when we’re hanging out?” or “how did the entire freaking universe work so you could be the only person in this world that likes me, romantic shit or not, for what and who I really am?”_

_No, that’s stupid, I would’ve never said that._

_I couldn’t even bring myself to say a “thanks”._

_“Thanks for telling me, it must’ve been really hard for you, but you can do so, so much better than me. Honestly speaking.”_

_*_

“Goodnight!”

It’s the crickets again.

“Bye, come by tomorrow when you wake up!” Mark tells him, standing in the doorframe.

Even in the total darkness, Donghyuck seems like he’s not moving from Mark’s front steps and just stands there, as if waiting.

Mark takes a step outside and closes the door behind him. He waits for something to happen.

There’s a streetlamp across the street that lets Donghyuck’s gentle but somewhat regretful smile be seen spread lightly across his lips.

“Come here,” he says quietly, stretching out his arms.

Mark does; he takes a few more steps and wraps his arms securely around Donghyuck’s shoulders; there’s a pair of hands on his upper back, too, small and warm.

They stay like that for a short second to get used to the feeling before Donghyuck whispers in Mark’s shirt, hidden in the crook of his neck, “I’m sorry if you feel like things have been different between us, it’s my fault.”

“No, hey, shh…”

Mark holds him tighter.

“But I want you to know that I’m not selfish,” he continues.

Furrowing his brows, Mark tries to move to look at him but Donghyuck just grips his shirt harder, hides deeper in the soft skin between the shoulder and the neck. He keeps his forehead there and so forces Mark to have no access to his face.

“I’m not selfish so don’t take decisions based on the things I deal with. Those are mine to deal with.”

All of Mark’s blood turns cold.

“Hyuck, no…”

“I don’t want you making up ideas in your head, or worrying about me… Don’t worry about me. I’m not hurting.”

As he speaks, his breath fans hot against his skin, hot and damp. Donghyuck’s voice doesn’t have any hint of a tremor in it; it’s normal and straight and just slightly raspy.

The night is deep and silent.

Mark twists his face to press his lips into a small kiss on Donghyuck’s cheek. “I’m not letting you go, ever, yeah?”

Donghyuck nuzzles his nose in the crook of his neck and stays silent.

“You can be selfish, Hyuck.”

The sound of crickets gets louder.

“I want you all for myself,” Donghyuck finally whispers. “I’m sorry, honestly speaking.”

Mark caresses his back.

“You have me.”

*

_Am I hurting him or am I hurting myself?_

_He’s hurting._

_My skin is burning hot from the tip of my toes up to the crown of my head. I cannot think of anything else. I go to bed and wake up with the same thoughts, it’s like I think about him even in my sleep._

_I was imagining a scene, a soap opera, puffs, rolls of eyes, but…he was strangely calm. Like he’s actually okay with it._

_What do I know?_

_*_

“Do you still have your bike?” Mark asks him as he throws the dice on the board, up in his bedroom.

Donghyuck follows with his eyes Mark’s pawn moving across the respective number of boxes.

“Hmm… I’m not sure. But I don’t think I ever threw it out though, so it must be somewhere.”

Mark hands him the dice. “Maybe it’s in the attic.”

“Yeah, probably. Why?”

He throws the dice then scoffs at the low number he gets. He’s losing this round. Mark smiles victoriously.

“Well, I just thought it would be nice to go biking some day. We haven’t done that in a long time.”

Donghyuck hums.

“Yeah, it’s been years, hasn’t it? I don’t think I even remember how to use it.”

Mark puffs a laugh. “Hey, remember that time we went out around the neighbourhood and I fell into a dig and twisted my ankle?”

Donghyuck makes a thinking noise. “Yeah, I think that’s probably when we stopped biking.”

*

_Does he want to kiss me when we talk? Does he look at me and goes, silently, in his mind, wow, I would like to kiss my best friend right now?_

_Would he ever kiss me? I bet he wouldn’t._

_How would I react if he did?_

_That’s too embarrassing to write down…_

_But I don’t think I’d mind._

_I mean_

_I don’t think it’d be_

_Weird_

_He has really nice lips and I like it when he kisses my cheek, so…_

_Wow I’m very embarrassed, I’ll stop writing now._

_*_

The sun peeks through the blinds, stirring Donghyuck awake.

He grumbles, low and grumpy, stretching his legs out long, like a cat.

“Mmmhm, get off.”

Mark, with his head and arm on top of him, sighs deep in his throat, eyes still closed.

“Come on, Markie, you’re sweaty and sticky,” he rocks his shoulder a couple of times, earning a muffled, annoyed, sleepy groan from Mark, but he still doesn’t move.

Instead, eyes still closed, he intertwines their bare legs together and slides across Donghyuck’s chest until his hair is right up in his nose, making Donghyuck both groan and giggle.

“You’ve got really hairy legs, did you know that?” Donghyuck laughs.

“Mhmm…”

“You don’t want to wake up?”

“No…”

His voice is groggy and full with sleep, but after a few moments of trying to wake himself up, he manages to raise his head.

He looks at Donghyuck, eyes squinted and lips pouted, blinking sleep away.

Donghyuck’s hair is falling on his pillow in every direction possible and his face is puffy. He nudges him to raise himself on his elbows.

“What time is it?” Mark asks.

“Around eight thirty.”

“Argh!” Mark groans, letting his head fall back down on Donghyuck’s chest aggressively, pulling the covers up to his neck. “Screw you.”

Donghyuck only laughs and lets him stay there.

*

_Okay, this is another something I need to write to get off my chest, no matter how embarrassing it is._

_I tried not thinking about it, I really did, but somehow now, in my own bed at night, this is the only thing I think about._

_I have this image_

_This thing_

_Hypothetical, of course_

_I think it would be nice to kiss._

_Him._

_Not like in the movies, where the whole world stops and butterflies eat your insides and it’s the most magical moment in your life, just…Nice. Pleasurable. Comforting. Safe._

_I don’t know._

_Like when I woke up today next to him in his bed and I was still sleepy, and my first thought when I saw him was, wow, let’s not get up for a while. I don’t think I’d be embarrassed to kiss him, hypothetically. Let’s not get up for a while because you’re really warm and smell really nice and I feel really, really warm and nice here. He makes me think of cinnamon rolls. Maybe it’s the hair, I don’t know. And he smells like vanilla because he has those perfume sticks on his nightstand, I don’t know what they’re called._

_Either way. How much of a teenager am I right now, sitting alone in my room, imagining that I’m kissing someone?_

_Oh, God_

_Mark, please don’t go around kissing Donghyuck, okay? Thanks._

_*_

“Do you want to go get ice cream?” Mark asks him.

Donghyuck has to shield his eyes from the sun with his hand to look up at him. Mark’s standing on the alley in front of his house, waiting for a reply.

“Uh, no. Not really.”

Mark walks over and sits down next to him on the front steps. He nudges his shoulder with his own, but Donghyuck still looks the other way.

“Do you want to talk?”

Donghyuck seems to be conflicted.

“I think ice cream’s better,” he says and jumps to his feet. He waits for Mark and they start making their way down to the ice cream shop.

*

_I am the biggest fucking coward in this whole fucking world. From all the bad things I’ve done, this is by far the worst._

_He was crying on his front steps and I just_

_I hid behind his parents’ car for a while because I did not know what to do_

_I panicked_

_No, I felt guilty_

_I felt guilty…_

_He had his head on his knees and he looked so tiny. I’ve seen him cry before. But I couldn’t find it in me to go there and ask what’s wrong, like I would’ve usually done without even considering anything else. I would’ve run up there and…_

_I just didn’t. I hid. For a good few minutes. And I just sat there and listened to him cry._

_I am the biggest fucking coward there is._

_And not only have I done that, but when I finally walked up to him I had to act surprised that I saw him sitting there. And the first thing that slipped from my mouth_

_The first thing!_

_Was to ask if he wants to go get ice cream._

_I honestly have stared at this last sentence I wrote for a minute. Mark, you dumbass. You stupid, stupid, selfish person._

_He didn’t look me in the eye for a long time and he just forced himself to laugh at my jokes – because yes, if you haven’t guessed already, I started making_ jokes _. A whole bunch of them, hoping he would laugh._

_I think he knew that I knew. Because after his eyes turned back to a regular white colour and his nose wasn’t runny anymore, when he looked at me, he looked at me like…_

_Like he was trying to access my brain, to see what’s there, or to figure out why am I acting so weird all of the sudden. He just keeps giving me these long looks. These long, long looks that follow me around and I honestly thought ice cream would fix everything._

_I cannot believe. That I had the power in me to leave Donghyuck to cry on his front steps without doing anything. I just sat there. Because I was feeling guilty. Because I felt like I had something to do with it, because_

_Fuck!!!_

_Fuck you, Mark, honestly speaking._

_What’s wrong with you?_

_No, really, get your shit together._

_*_

They’ve stopped to pet a cat they’ve found in the park.

It has just rained, so the concrete is wet and black, and the air smells damp and of dust.

“You’re so cute,” Donghyuck coos to the cat, scratching under its chin. The cat starts purring.

Squatted down as they sit, Mark twists his head to move his gaze from the cat to Donghyuck.

Because of the rain, the park is almost empty and the weather feels chilly and unsettling.

Donghyuck doesn’t look back.

“Do you think we spend too much time together?” he asks Mark all of the sudden.

“Huh?” Mark stops his hand on the cat. “Uh, well, no.”

“Oh,” Donghyuck nods. “Well, I do.”

“You do?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

Not knowing what else to do, Mark focuses back on petting the cat, though this time it doesn’t feel as satisfying. The wind still blows lightly, bringing a sweet smell of summer flowers.

“Can we cancel game night this week?”

Mark feels his lips pout. “Yeah, sure. Is something wrong?”

Donghyuck shrugs.

“I’m kind of in the mood to sit alone and read in my room. You know?”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Mark says, though he tilts his head, thinking. “Thanks for letting me know, we can do it some other time, no worries.”

Donghyuck nods.

“Thanks.”

Pause.

“And I don’t think I’ll come by tomorrow, either.”

Mark keeps on looking at him, and Donghyuck keeps petting the cat.

“Hyuck, really, is there something wrong?”

He shrugs again.

“There’s nothing wrong, I just want to read alone in my room for a bit. Does that bother you?”

The cat gets tired of being petted and walks away, stretching. With that, Donghyuck jumps to his feet and smooths out his t-shirt, picking off some cat hairs. Mark stays in place.

He looks up at him.

“Well, no, it doesn’t bother me. You can come by whenever you feel like it.”

“Okay, thanks.”

He stretches a hand for him, and Mark takes it, letting himself be pulled up to his feet.

Donghyuck starts walking, and with him walks Mark, hands still holding for a few moments before Donghyuck says, “Thanks for understanding. You’re really the bestest best friend I have, huh.”

“You better not have another best friend that I don’t know of,” Mark laughs.

*

_It doesn’t bother me it doesn’t bother me it doesn’t bother me_

_*_

Mark’s up in his room, alone. He’s watching the rain with his chin on the windowsill, and because the sun is hidden behind clouds, his whole bedroom is misty and dim.

The raindrops hit the window and slide down repeatedly.

Mark’s notebook is opened on his bedsheets.

*

_I really dislike the thought of being dependent on someone – and I’m not! I’m really not. I’m fine by myself and I like my own company enough to not make a big deal out of sitting alone, so why am I making a big deal out of it?_

_I mean, it was sort of fun at the beginning, because I watched some movies and lounged in my bed and listened to music, and I haven’t done that in a while. I mean, I did the exact same things I do with Donghyuck, only alone. That was new, that was refreshing, I guess._

_If I think about it – and believe me, I do think about it a lot – it’s not that it bothers me that I’m sitting alone right now. I’ve done this the majority of my life and it’s fine. I guess it bothers me that he just_

_I mean it’s fine because I don’t want him to feel obligated to hang out with me but_

_But he just didn’t give an explanation?_

_I guess you get bored of spending too much time with someone after a while, but this is so inconvenient for me. I’ve just started_

_Something, I don’t know what it is_

_And him not being here is exactly the opposite of what I wanted._

_And he said he’ll call or come over, he never did!_

_Either way, wow, I’ve been really rambling, haven’t I?_

_It’s been a week, so what? A week is just seven days._

_Wow, I can’t believe I got so anxious over only seven days. He’s allowed to spend time on his own, fuck. I should really pick up a new hobby. Start making bread or something._

_*_

Mark is still in his room, still alone.

He’s opened the window to let some cool air in but he’s not sure if it actually does something. If anything, he might be letting in even more hot, suffocating air.

His t-shirt is thrown somewhere on the floor, and he has a playlist of sad, acoustic songs playing on his phone right now, while he rolls around on his sheets and mumbles the lyrics.

*

_It’s ironic that I’ve seen the rain as an inconvenience until it’s gotten this hot._

_It’s like a metaphor for life._

_For my life._

_Wait, I didn’t mean to say Donghyuck’s ever been an inconvenience to me._

_Ah, shit. I’m not good with words._

_I’ll start over._

_He’s ignoring me. Deliberately ignoring me. I’ve called a few times, but he hasn’t picked up. It doesn’t even go straight to voice mail, the phone rings. He just doesn’t pick up. And I’m still waiting for a text to say that he didn’t hear it ringing or something._

_He’s avoiding me, and it’s the worst timing ever because he’s avoiding me right when I had so many things to say. Actually, I don’t even know what to say. My mind is all over the place right now, fuck!_

_Fuck!_

_I truly am selfish. I’m so focused on what I want and what I need and…_

_Yeah._

_This is too much for me right now._

_I should go talk to him._

_Why am I being so dumb?! Why can’t I just act natural?_

_I’m going to go talk to him._

_Wow, I’m feeling so not normal right now._

_*_

Donghyuck squints his eyes at him when Mark walks into his room.

“Hello?” he says, shaking his head a little as in a _what are you doing here?_ He’s sitting on his carpet, back against his bed, and his finger serves as a book mark between the pages of a book he’s just put down.

“Hey, your mom let me in.”

“Well, I can see that. It was either that someone let you in or you climbed through a window or something. Which you most likely didn’t.”

Donghyuck looks at him a little like he’s dumb.

“I didn’t climb through your window,” Mark reassures him. He himself starts feeling a little dumb.

Donghyuck’s room, in comparison to his own, is bright and sunny and full of windows, full of warm colours. Nothing’s really changed, the posters are still on the walls, the plants in their pots and the clothes on the hangers, only almost the entirety of Donghyuck’s bookshelves is cleared out and dumped on the carpet. Book after book after book.

Other than that, everything looks fine.

“Have you been well?” Mark asks him.

Donghyuck shrugs without an excessive amount of interest. He keeps his finger inside the book like he’s about to pick it back up from where he’s left off any time now. “Well, yeah.”

“It’s just that we haven’t spoken in a while,” Mark tries to explain from the doorframe.

“It hasn’t been a long time… It was just a few days.”

“It was _ten_ days! You said you’d be gone for just _a few_ days!”

Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows, “Have you been counting?”

Mark looks away and lets out a combination between a scoff and a sigh.

He gains the courage to walk into the bedroom properly, closing the door behind him. He stops in front of Donghyuck and hands him what he’s been holding in his hand, a plastic bag.

“What’s that?”

“This? This is for you. A loaf of bread.”

“A loaf of bread?” Donghyuck echoes.

“I made it. For you.”

Donghyuck, with obvious confusion written on his expression, takes the bag and puts it behind him, on his bed, then waits for something else to happen after thanking Mark.

And Mark unglues his eyes from Donghyuck – small, white shirt and summer shorts, messy sun-lightened hair Donghyuck – to the windows – sunny, yellow, warm - then back again to Donghyuck, and while doing so, he taps his foot on the ground nervously, like he’s shivering from an inexistent cold and runs a hand through his hair.

“Mark, what’s up? You look weird.”

“Argh!”

“Markie?”

He tries to hold in all his unnecessary shivering and then says, “I’m going to do something…No, wait, look, here’s the thing, I promise it’s sincere! Honestly speaking. So please don’t move.”

It takes a few more moments of teeth sinking into his bottom lip until Mark kneels on the carpet, sees Donghyuck’s wide, wide eyes and cups each of his cheeks with a palm, then he goes for it – leans in quickly and clumsily presses their lips together.

Donghyuck’s lips leave one last mumble of surprised words into Mark’s mouth before his whole body turns from stiff to pliant, soft, and Mark finds it easier to hold him this way.

The carpet stings his knees and he’s aware of how sweaty his hands are, but Donghyuck’s kissing him back, just as hesitant as him, and he leaves the book to fall shut on the floor in order to bring his fingers to lightly touch Mark’s arm.

The birds chirp outside.

Mark feels Donghyuck’s tongue, as well as the rest of his mouth, to be warm and soft, wet, and it’s such a different feeling.

“What are you doing?” Donghyuck pulls away, breathless.

Full of sudden fear, Mark moves back until he falls on his butt. As soon as his hands leave Donghyuck’s face, he sees the glistening of sweat on his cheeks, his mouth is slightly redder and glossier now, but his eyes are still as wide.

“No, _what_ are you doing?”

Donghyuck’s hand comes up to touch his own lips.

“I’m sorry,” Mark says, and he’s surprised he’s managed to speak, “I should’ve asked first.”

A short moment of silence follows, but when Donghyuck catches his eyes, he laughs.

Mark looks at him.

“Why are you laughing?”

“You look really, really serious right now,” he says, biting down a smile.

Mark throws a hand in the air, “I _am_ serious!”

Donghyuck scoffs a bit.

Defeated, Mark slides across the carpet and shimmies between a few stacks of books, next to Donghyuck, so their backs hit the mattress. He pulls his knees up.

Donghyuck reaches behind them and takes the bag, pulling the loaf up to his nose.

“This smells nice,” he says.

“I just made it.”

Donghyuck rips out a piece, “This is a nice, crunchy noise,” and invites Mark to do the same: “Take some.”

Mark shakes a hand.

“No, I had a lot of bread this week. I made one every day.”

“Just take some,” he pushes.

“No, believe me, it’s all yours-”

“Oh my God, just take some!”

Donghyuck rips out another piece and spreads Mark’s palm to place it there. Mark starts chewing on it and so does Donghyuck.

They listen to the crunchiness of the bread and the birds outside for a few minutes. They sit in silence.

The light is the bedroom is warm, leaving not one space shadowed.

“Did you come here to do that? And give me bread?” Donghyuck asks after a while, turning his head to face him.

“Actually, I just came to give you bread.”

Pause.

“I didn’t plan to do that… I mean, I didn’t plan to kiss you.”

“You didn’t?”

Mark shakes his head.

“No, I was just happy to see you. I don’t know where that came from.”

Another pause. Donghyuck looks away.

“No, I mean, I _do_ know where that came from. I just don’t know where I got the courage to do that.”

Donghyuck looks back at him. He doesn’t look mad, nor upset not confused.

“Please don’t feel like you should _do_ anything just because of me…I’m not allowing this friendship to end because you feel pressured to do stuff, okay?” Donghyuck says.

Instead, Mark starts looking mad, upset and confused.

“Because of you _what_? _What_ stuff? _What_ pressure?”

Donghyuck looks at him, eyes wide, taken aback, and says nothing.

“Hyuck, let’s talk about this! Why aren’t we talking about it?”

There’s still no answer.

Mark takes Donghyuck’s hand – the one without the bread in it – and squeezes it.

“Come on, we can always talk about anything.”

This time, Donghyuck whispers.

“I don’t think I can talk about this,” he says.

Mark holds his hand tighter.

“That’s okay.”

They stay like that for a few more moments.

“Wait, no, I want to say something.”

Mark urges him to continue.

“If this is like…Honestly speaking, I don’t want like a…friends but also kissing thing. I’m fine how we are now, honestly speaking. But friends with…benefits, it’s not cool with me.”

Another bit of silence.

“I didn’t…I didn’t even think about that,” Mark says. “Friends with- what?”

“You didn’t?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Oh.”

Donghyuck looks away, again.

“Then, what did you think about?”

“I really don’t know…”

Mark starts playing with Donghyuck’s hand, soft and small, and he throws it from one of his palms to the other. It makes Donghyuck smile a bit.

“Your hair looks really good when it curls like that,” Mark says.

“It gets like that after I shower.”

“I know.”

Donghyuck takes a shaky breath. “What should we do?”

Mark shakes his head, not knowing what to answer.

“Do you…have feelings for me? Romantic feelings?” Donghyuck asks.

“I think I have every type of feeling, ever, for you.”

“Honestly speaking?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks…”

That makes Mark laugh. “Hey!”

Donghyuck smiles and looks away.

“I’m not used to this,” he says.

“Me neither,” Mark murmurs.

“Can you kiss me again?”

Mark startles, “Oh, yeah, sure.”

*

_I’ve never been that nervous, ever in my life. I was afraid I was going to faint or cry or throw up on his carpet – which I thankfully didn’t – but after all that I was just… really calm. Super calm. As in, nothing could get to me now, because this is where I feel the most comfortable. This is where I can be myself and not feel judged. On Donghyuck’s bedroom carpet._

_I helped him put back all his books. He’s read a lot of them. I might start reading too, it sounds fun. He let me borrow one._

_I don’t think there’s anything better than this. I don’t know. For now. I have to talk to him more about it, but I’ve been… oh, wow!_

_There’s so much happening at once!_

_I kissed him!_

_Can you believe?_

_*_

After a long walk evening though the park, they’re sitting on Mark’s bed. The sun has set and they let the window open for some fresh air, though even the darkening night is somehow still warm.

The sheets have just been washed and they’re crisp, smelling of clean and inviting them to sleep. Mark yawns. His feet are hurting from walking around so much but there’s a satisfied, tired look on his face.

Donghyuck has his legs crossed, in front of him. He looks like he tries to swallow a yawn, then says, “I know you don’t like romance stuff.”

It snaps Mark out of his sleepy state.

“Huh?”

Donghyuck tilts his head. “So we don’t have to do cheesy shit if it’s not our thing. We can find our own style.”

Mark looks at him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Just so you know, I don’t hate _all_ romance. Just the TV show type.”

It makes Donghyuck roll his eyes and laugh. “Well, how am I supposed to know which type is that?”

Mark looks around at his darkening room and listens to the crickets outside, the cars passing on the street, the dogs barking.

“I mean, I don’t really know either…” Donghyuck rolls his eyes again, playfully, “The really cliché stuff?”

“Fine,” Donghyuck says, nodding. His cinnamon hair is curly again from the humidity in the air, and has been the whole evening and night. It suits him. “We don’t have to…kiss in the rain,” he says it like it’s hard for him to pronounce those words in front of Mark, especially about them, and his eyes move onto the clean sheets instead of Mark, “and we don’t have to hold hands when we walk or things like that… We don’t _have_ to do anything. This isn’t…restrictive in any way. It’s still us,” he gestures between them and it makes Mark smile a bit, “we can just be ourselves, that’s enough.”

Mark thinks it over.

“Yeah, that’s cool. That’s good.”

“Honestly speaking?”

“Yeah. But I do want to kiss you in the rain once, just to see what that’s all about.”

Donghyuck laughs so hard, his jaw teeth show. “Wow, you’re unbelievable! Why would you want to kiss in the rain? I hate getting my shoes wet.”

Mark just smiles, tired, and stretches out his leg to tap his sock on Donghyuck’s bare thigh. His shorts rile up.

“I don’t want to rush with you,” he confesses.

“No one’s rushing, Markie.”

“Doesn’t it feel different for you?”

“Well, of course it’s different,” their voices get gradually lower until they’re above a whisper. “But I like being different. Is it hard for you?”

Mark taps his thigh again. “It’s not hard, it’s just…scary. What if we fight or never speak to each other again?”

His eyes are almost closing on their own.

“Markie, I think you’re thinking way too ahead of time. When did we ever…Do you really think we would fight and cut ties, forever? I- I can’t imagine myself just walking away from you, just like that, after being so close for all these years…”

Mark sighs and rubs his eyes, “God, I’m sorry… I always sound so unsure when we talk about it…It’s not that big of a change for me, either, but it’s just hard to…to…to let it out, and feel what I feel and…I’m more scared of losing you than I was before.”

Donghyuck tsks and gives him a tiny smile, taking the foot that’s been patting his thigh and bringing it in his lap to rest there.

“Yeah, I get that…”

The night is so dark, so warm, so vibrant but sleeps washes over them.

“I feel the same way,” he says.

“Yeah?” Mark questions.

“Yeah.” Donghyuck starts massaging his foot through his sock. “But I see it as a good thing. I’m scared of losing you so it means you’re even more precious to me now. And that’s good.”

Mark smiles, big and happy, and retreats his foot from Donghyuck’s hand to get up on his butt and shimmy on his knees across the bed until he touches Donghyuck’s legs on top of the clean sheets.

“God,” Mark lets out as a laugh, a sigh and a sound of disbelief, and trails his fingers up around Donghyuck’s ear, giving him a happy peck, but his lips linger on his, extracting a soft, raspy sound from Donghyuck. His skin is warmer than the warmest summer night.

*

_I’m not sure if I’ll ever get used to the sound of Donghyuck sighing on my lips, or to the reaction it sparks in me. This is new territory._

_It’s not my intention to turn this notebook into a cheesy place but I just can’t help it recently…_

_He’s so good to me, I don’t deserve him._

_See? I’m doing that teenager thing again, where I’m sitting on my bed and daydreaming about_

_Stuff_

_It doesn’t matter what stuff_

_Well, I guess he’s right. We actually are teenagers, after all. Maybe I shouldn’t run away from it anymore._

_I feel like calling him now._

_Maybe he could even come here for a bit, even if it’s night time. Or I can sneak out for a bit, I’ve done that a couple of times._

_I’m going to call him now_

_Wait, before I do that I want to write something down quickly._

_I’m really, really happy. Every emotion is heightened now, but I’m mostly very content. I do get anxious more easily this week, but I’m so happy it’s been a challenge holding it in_

_Maybe I shouldn’t? I just thought of that._

_Anyway, I’m calling him now._

_*_

Donghyuck throws the dice on the board and groans. Mark snickers.

As he moves his pawn, Donghyuck says, “I’m craving burgers.”

Mark takes the dice and shakes them in his fist.

“We could order some.”

It’s raining, again. Just enough so they have a background noise.

Donghyuck shakes his head.

“No, they’re pretty expensive.”

“Come on, we can afford to get takeout every once in a while,” Mark tells him.

Donghyuck clicks his tongue. “Let’s just cook pasta for dinner instead.”

Mark groans and gives him the dice, lowering his back until his chin hits the table. He sighs. “We always eat pasta for dinner!”

He gets a small laugh as a reply.

The sun is about to set and the clouds are pink and orange.

“Ugh, now I want burgers, too,” Mark pouts.

“If you stop whining, I won’t make you help me cook pasta.”

Mark shuts his mouth.

*

_One thing that I do differently now is observe stuff. I’ve been observing. How I act and how I feel and how I react to things and stuff._

_Does it make sense?_

_I don’t know, I feel like I’ve grown up a bit. Which is cool._

_I’ve been re-reading some stuff from here…_

_And it makes me think that I’ve grown up a bit._

_*_

It takes Mark a few minutes between waking up and opening his eyes to a shadowed room and a cloudy view out the window.

It’s raining and he hears it even without the window being open. It’s probably the reason why he woke up so suddenly.

Aside from his head feeling mushy, a smile makes way on his face, a tiny, sleepy one. He twists his neck to look at Donghyuck, who’s laying down on his back, facing the ceiling, and throughout his sleep he’s moved his head from his pillow to Mark’s pillow. He’s close enough for Mark to smell his breath, which he does, considering Donghyuck is breathing through his mouth.

He’s lightly snoring and there’s a small trail of drool connecting his mouth to Mark’s pillow.

Mark nudges him with his leg under the sheets.

It’s the perfect temperature, not too warm and even a bit chilly.

“Hey,” he whispers.

He gets no response to that, and when he tries again he sees Donghyuck’s facial muscles stir a little, from a very small reaction of the eyebrows furrowing to a twitch of lips.

“Hey, Hyuck.”

This time, Donghyuck’s legs move under the sheet, and at the contact with the other two legs on the bed, his eyes open a little bit.

Then, he closes them.

After a few more seconds of stirring awake and clicking of tongues, swallowing of saliva, Donghyuck turns on his side and oscillates between keeping his eyes closed and trying to open them, one second at a time.

“Hm?”

“How did you sleep so much? It’s really late.”

He opens his eyes for real this time.

“Really?” His voice is really raspy, so he clears his throat. He starts moving his legs and arm, little by little, until he’s up on his elbows. “Why did you let me sleep late?”

Mark looks up at him, his own head still on the pillow. “You just didn’t want to wake up, Hyuck, it’s really late.”

Donghyuck groans and sits up, back against the headboard of the bed, rubbing his eyes and getting the sleep out of them.

“Damn,” he mumbles. Then, he turns to Mark. “What time is it?”

Mark tries to hold his laugh in as he says, “Half past six.”

“Argh!” Donghyuck slaps his shoulder and sinks back into the bed, taking his own pillow and turning his back to Mark. “You’re so annoying!”

Mark laughs and turns just to plant a kiss on the back of Donghyuck’s neck.

“I don’t accept apologies in the form of kisses,” he says, grumpy.

“Really?” Mark slides and arm around his waist and leaves more kisses on the small part of skin that’s exposed, the back of his neck and a little of one shoulder. “I think you should.”

“No.”

“Hmm. Really? Come on, now that we’re both awake, don’t you want to get up and do something? We could take a morning walk or something.”

Donghyuck turns around just to push Mark off in the direction of the other side of the bed.

“I’ll speak to you again in an hour and a half,” is the last thing Donghyuck says before he slowly starts snoring again.

Mark stays there, on his side of the bed, looking up at the ceiling. For an hour and a half, he listens to the rain and Donghyuck’s gradually louder snores.

*

_I’m so happy._

*

The board game has been put on hold for a few minutes. When Mark comes back into the bedroom, he finds Donghyuck right where he’s left him, at the table on his chair, playing mindlessly with the dice, twisting it on its sides and throwing it in the air.

It’s close to sunset, making the room blue-ish. There’s no artificial light on, so Donghyuck’s covered in a thin layer of shadow.

“What’s that?” Donghyuck asks when he senses his presence in the room again, eyes going from the board to Mark.

Mark walks over to the table, shaking the plastic bag he has in his hand and then putting it on the board, right in front of Donghyuck with a smile.

“Huh?” Donghyuck opens it and inspects its contents for a bit, looking confused, then, with a big gasp, “Oh my God! Mark! You got burgers?”

Mark keeps on smiling, going to take out the boxes and scatter them across the table.

“This is a cheeseburger,” he explains, taking it out of the bag, “this is a hamburger, these are fries and these…sodas. Pick the one you like the most.”

Donghyuck visibly pouts.

“It smells so good…”

Mark slides the cheeseburger box in front of him. “Come on, let’s eat.”

Donghyuck looks up at him.

“How much was this?”

Mark pulls a face. “I’m not going to tell you.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re going to give me half of it and I…I don’t want you to give me money.”

“But we always split stuff,” Donghyuck points out.

Mark slides the cheeseburger box further, urging him to take it.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to split the bill this time. I just bought it because I wanted to.”

“Oh.” Donghyuck waits a few more moments, then opens his box and picks one soda can. “Okay.”

Then, after the first bite, he stops.

“Are you sure?” he asks with his mouth full. “I know these are pretty pricey.”

Mark groans. “Just eat. Consider this a date,” he says.

They both sort of stop for a second. There’s a lot of cars rushing on the street outside.

“A date?” Donghyuck echoes. Then, he looks down at his sweatpants and old shirt and inspects them. “Oh, God, I should’ve worn something a little nicer.”

Mark slows down his chewing, dragging it out. He puffs a little laugh with a tiny smile.

“Hah.”

They continue eating in silence for a bit.

A lot more cars pass down the road, and the sun finally sets.

“Why is this making me nervous?” Donghyuck asks with the faintest hint of a smile on his lips.

Mark nods, waiting to swallow before answering. “Well, see, that’s good. I don’t want to be the only one who gets nervous for this type of things.”

Donghyuck clicks his tongue.

“You’re not helping.”

Mark puffs again. “Hah.”

“What do people do on dates, usually?”

“Why are you asking me? I thought _you_ were the romance expert.”

Donghyuck laughs in disbelief. “ _Me_?”

“Well, didn’t you say that you like all that… I don’t know, you said something at some point.”

Donghyuck shakes his head, stuffing some fries into his cheeseburger.

“I don’t think I’ve said anything like that.”

“No, I distinctively remember-”

“And I distinctively remember never thinking that. I’ve literally kissed _one_ person in my entire life, I can’t be an expert in romance.”

Mark puts down his hamburger.

“One? Who? _Me_?”

Donghyuck just gives him a look.

“Me?” he repeats. “But you said…”

“Well, obviously I lied!”

The room has gotten dark, so Donghyuck twists in his chair and stretches as much as he can until he barely manages to hit the switch, making the light turn on.

It’s a somewhat neon, bright yellow light.

“Why’d you lie?”

Donghyuck scoffs. “It was embarrassing.”

“Oh.” Mark clears his throat. “You could have told me, though.”

Donghyuck shrugs. “Well, I’m allowed to keep my secrets.”

“But we’ve been friends for so many years, what do we need secrets for?”

“We _do_ need secrets. At least I do. Don’t you?”

Mark seems to think it over for less than a second.

“No, I don’t,” he speaks with confidence. “I don’t feel good hiding anything from you.”

“No?” Donghyuck repeats, amused. “Fine, then tell me, that time I bit your ear lobe, you actually _really_ liked it, but you just didn’t want to tell me, right?”

“Oh my God!” Mark throws a fry at him, making Donghyuck chuckle. He picks up the fry from his lap and throws it in his mouth. “The things that slip out of your mouth sometimes, Jesus...”

“So you did?”

Mark just rolls his eyes.

“Honestly speaking now,” Donghyuck continues, still looking amused, “you like it when I bite you, don’t you?”

“Shut up.”

Donghyuck smiles.

“You don’t need to get embarrassed about it. Whatever makes you feel nice.”

He ends his sentence with a big gulp of soda and a satisfied “ah”.

“Okay,” Mark makes himself busy with a bite of his burger and a few fries, “then, what do _you_ …like?”

Donghyuck finishes his cheeseburger and crumples the wrap in his fist, putting it back into the plastic back.

“Hm…” He turns his box of fries towards Mark, probably having seen how he keeps eyeing it, “I like it when you kiss me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Having finished his food, Donghyuck keeps his hands in his lap and just looks at Mark with a somewhat of a shy smile on his lips. But their eyes meet.

“Am I good?”

Donghyuck’s smile turns bigger.

“At kissing? I don’t have anything to compare it to, but it’s good to me. I really like it.”

Mark puts down his burger again, “ _Really_?”

Donghyuck just nods. He seems happy.

“Can I kiss you now?” Mark asks.

“What, now? But I just ate a burger. With pickles.”

He puts emphasis on the word “pickles”.

Mark looks around for a bit.

“Yeah, but…Can I?”

Donghyuck shimmies a bit in his chair but nods a few times, silently.

Mark stands up from his seat and circles around the table, reaching to stand right in front of Donghyuck’s chair; he wipes his hands clean on his jeans and looks down at him for a few moments.

Donghyuck keeps his hands in his lap, waiting, smiling a little, and then Mark leans in, stretching far down so their lips can meet, holding his chin with the tip of his fingers, just because.

He kisses him like they both don’t taste of onions, like his neck doesn’t hurt from the strange position he’s in; he kisses him kindly, softly, and they break apart for a bit because of Donghyuck’s wide, wide smile, and Mark tries leaning in again, but his own lips turn upwards and they can’t do anything but stay there, nose to nose, smile to smile.

*

_List of things I’ve recently discovered I really enjoy:_

_1.Making sourdough bread. It’s really therapeutic and melts my anxieties away_

_2.Making Donghyuck smile with small stuff_

_3.Walking in the park at night even if it’s cold_

_4.Kissing in the rain! That’s super cheesy but it’s fun. Thought I had to make us some tea when we got home in the fear of catching a cold_

_5.Being young_

_6.Waking up next to Donghyuck even if we both forgot to brush our teeth the night before_

_7.The rain_

_8.Love bites but that’s a bit embarrassing to write so I will stop here_

_*_

It’s both a weird, vague dream and the immense heat that wakes Mark up. Clumsy and confused, he twists a few times, his eyes taking a while to get used to the darkness of his bedroom.

Then he realizes that every time he turns, his shirt sticks to his skin uncomfortably, the sheets under him damp and the one coving him, unbearably suffocating.

There’s sweat trailing down his back, his forehead and the side of his body, from his armpits. He clicks his tongue sleepily.

It takes him a few moments to sit up against the headboard and kick the sheets off him with his legs, sighing in discomfort. Donghyuck’s sleeping right next to him, breathing through his mouth.

Mark tries to stretch over him without stirring him awake to open the window, which he manages to do successfully. The outside air cools him down, and with that comes the new variety of street sounds, like crickets and the wind though the leaves and a dog barking, somewhere far away.

Donghyuck changes his sleeping position, slightly, but he’s obviously still asleep. Mark looks at him. Maybe he’s dreaming.

Before going back to sleeping, Mark takes a big gulp of water from the glass he left on his nightstand and takes off his damp shirt, crumpling it and wiping some of the sweat off his torso with it, then throwing it somewhere on the floor.

After that, he sits back down, turning the pillow on the other side so it’s cooler on his face, and rests his head on it, facing Donghyuck.

He reaches for the sheet that covers Donghyuck – he has this habit of pulling it all the way up to his chin, which isn’t the wisest thing to do in the middle of summer – and pulls it down so that his torso is uncovered.

The moon shines through the window, making little beads of sweat visible around Donghyuck’s roots.

Though still feeling warm, Mark shimmies closer to him – and Donghyuck is a beacon of warmth, quite literally -, petting his hair. Donghyuck seems only partly aware of someone touching him, judging by the way his closed eyelids flicker sometimes, but he continues his steady mouth breathing, which to Mark smells of fading toothpaste.

He keeps his hand on Donghyuck’s shoulder, presses the lightest kiss on his forehead and closes his eyes, their noses almost touching.

*

_This is another thing that I just have to write down_

_I need to share it with someone_

_Last night we both ended up waking up because it was so warm in my room and my air conditioner has broken down. And either way, because we were already up (I think it was around four, maybe) we stayed there and talked and stuff like we usually do_

_And I just had to tell him I’m sorry for taking more time to adjust to my feelings because I’m not used to feeling a lot of good things at once and I didn’t want him to think that I don’t want to be with him like this or something. I don’t know, it was weighing me down for a while and I just didn’t want him to get the wrong impression and also I was sorry for not being the TV show romantic guy that maybe he was looking for in me._

_And then his response_

_He actually first laughed a bit, and then_

_Word by word, I’ll write it down because I remember it vividly: “Honestly speaking? Why are you apologising to me? Whatever you’re feeling, it’s okay. And I like you even when you’re control freaky and indecisive because we really_ are _best friends and I love you with all my heart, every day, at every hour. And if you want to be my boyfriend as well, then I’d be the happiest little dumb teenager that there ever was, but if you don’t, that’s still cool and I’d still love you.”_

_And my first response was, hah, thank God it’s dark right now! I really would not want him to see me crying right now. And I made an active effort to hide my eyes with my arm and try to be quiet._

_But I guess he still either saw it or heard it or maybe felt it because he just shimmied closer and put an arm around me_

_And he was so warm_

_And I love his hugs and that made me cry harder_

_And he let his head rest on my shoulder for a bit until I finished my little crying session._

_And then I told him that I do, I really do want to be his boyfriend, I want him in any way that he’d let me be with him._

_Then I started crying again, I don’t know why this time, but I just couldn’t stop and I really tried holding it in and being silent about it – and really, thank God it was dark! I tend to get really ugly when I cry._

_I’ve always thought I had a lot of unlovable features, especially liking control in my life and not being able to decide quickly and thinking things over a thousand times_

_Maybe I’m not as unlovable as I thought I was…_

_Mark from the future, please, please please please remember this mental image of Donghyuck resting on my chest and looking up at me, with his slightly curly hair and his rosy cheeks and good heart._

**Author's Note:**

> hi!  
> whether you're coming back from my other recent fanfic, Hallway honey, or if you've just stumbled upon this particular work, thanks for taking the time to read this. Be honest (summer rain) came from a place of frustration with the other story i was working on at the time, so i just needed something less elaborate to write as i took a break. i ended up falling in love with this as well. i poured a lot of my views about myself, love, relationship, teenage years and friendships into these two characters. including my annoyance with hot summer weather.  
> i just want to say that i will never in my life write a sad ending. i feel like life already has enough sad, confusing endings to things and i do not want to add anything to that. so my works are a safe space if you want to read something that's happy and cheesy and that maybe fulfills some deep wish that you've had. thats one of the reasons why i write them, honestly. i make my characters experience things i dont really get the chance to.  
> and so with that being said, i hope you enjoyed and you exit this page with a warmer heart. dont worry, mark and donghyuck from here fall in love effortlessly and everything's good with them. no sad endings for them!  
> if you'd like to see snippets of new markhyuck/noren fanfics im working on rn or older stories behind the scenes episodes, follow my writing insta account @yellowdiarypages  
> and if youre interested in nct and kpop prints and stickers, i have a lil shop! @lemonpiestationeryshop  
> so, to stop rambling, thank you again for being here! i appreciate it.  
> see you next time! i have more coming :)


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